Time To Move On…

(Edmund: This is the first time I’m talking about my relationship/personal matters… so read only if you want to… however I’m keeping a lot of other details out so please don’t post comments digging for more info – like who the girl is, what exactly happened, etc. I hope you respect my privacy. Thanks!)

Sorry for the long hiatus. And that happened for a reason.

It’s been a month since I last updated something substantial to my Personal Blog. (the YouTube video in the previous post doesn’t count, of course)

I was having second thoughts about writing this post. But then, I feel much better penning it out here knowing that mostly friends and people I know come to visit my Personal Homepage.

As I am writing this, this is probably the most trying time I am going through in a long time. After getting off the phone call just now, it’s going to be one scary, roller coaster ride of a life from here on.

Normally, I keep my relationship and personal matters a low profile even from this blog. Yet, I’m not comfortable posting anything else here if this goes unmentioned…

To put things into perspective – and long story short – I had been in a relationship with the first love of my life. That went on for more than half a year. Later we “broke up” but not under bad circumstances though; we accepted that we were both different but we mutually agreed to still be best friends.

So for many months, we enjoyed being together as best friends instead of being in a committed relationship. It was ideal. It was perfect!

All that changed gradually.

I have to confess that in spite of the “best friend” title, I still treated her more than a friend. I really did. Unfortunately – again the long story short – she cannot return reciprocal love – at least, not the one I expected. Naturally over time, I grew jealous and possessive. Yet it would be too selfish of me to ask her to comply.

It’s what you’d probably read about in books on romance or stories you hear from your heartbroken guy friends. “She wants me to be her good friend… but she keeps a one foot pole distance.” I didn’t want to listen though.

So this hurt me for days. Then it turned into weeks. And then months. It was eating me alive. It came to a point where I grew hardly productive at my business, slept longer hours and for some odd reason I’m becoming ill easily these days.

Finally it arrived to a point where being just friends is no longer possible between us.

Tonight, I did the hardest thing that I dreaded most. I know I cannot move on if I still hold onto the past, and the ‘illusion of hope’ that we can still be together on a mutually intimate level.

So I did what needed to be done right from the start: I ended all ties and connections with her.

Don’t get me wrong: I still love her a lot. We have had been on many adventures together, been to places together, did things together, shared our feelings we wouldn’t have told anyone else…

She is still the best girl I have ever met in my life.

The only regret is that I am not the right guy for her. And before anyone get any bad ideas about my first love (she’s too sweet for that)… actually, I was responsible for hurting her and making her upset in the first place (though unintentional) that the relationship didn’t work out as we both planned.

I have only myself to blame in the end, and the mess is mine to clean up. I was given the chance to be her boyfriend – when so many other guys are dying to just get to know this attractive girl – and I blew it away.

Anyways…

If I stay in this current position for too long or even forever, I will never grow. I will never move on. And she’s meant for bigger things in life to be burdened by my… well, childish demands. I’m embarrassed to say this but I can’t think of any better words to describe how I feel about myself now.

I don’t blame her one bit even after all that has happened.

It wasn’t easy even though I promised myself not to cry (which I did anyway, like 10 seconds into the conversation over the phone). Still, I needed to stick to my guns.

For my good and for hers.

I was VERY, VERY scared about putting the phone down because when I finally do, I know I won’t call her again.

I needed to flush my past momento’s, memories… anything that reminds me of her… out of my system. This also means I have to stop my addictive compulsion of visiting her web pages and FaceBook, or even trying to call or SMS her when she’s on the other side of the world.

Not easy but I need to let go of my past if I am to embrace the possibilities of the future. Otherwise I will be back to where I had started. Nothing would have changed. And I would continue getting hurt myself. And so will she in the process.

For the first time in my life – and really – I found out how useless money can get. No wonder people say “money is most useful where it’s needed, and most useless where it’s not.” I was ready to give up my financial goals and my wealth to get back to her.

But logically, that won’t happen. And I don’t think there’s anything else I can do to change her mind. At the same time, I cannot be content with being just “friends”. Not after everything we have had been through together.

I still wish her the best and that although she’s not looking for a boyfriend right now, I hope she finds a man much better myself eventually. It was great knowing her and now I know what it’s like to finally really LOVE someone and then LOSE it… then never love at all. Thank you for playing a big part of my life.

I have to pick up my pieces and move on. I’m sure I will meet the right girl for me one day but I need to sort my own mess out before that can happen.

Holiday in Sydney

About time I add new updates to my Personal Blog! 🙂 I got back from Sydney, Australia on Valentine’s Day and just reached home in Johor Bahru only the day before.

Edmund in Sydney

I’ve been taking photos and videos with my camera while I was away at Sydney for one whole week, although I will be mentioning only the highlights of the trip.

First up, I want to thank Aurelius Tjin for showing me around the city, and providing lounge for the week. Saved me a small fortune from lodging into a hotel since cost of living there is very expensive! Thanks again! 🙂

This is Aurelius btw…

Aurelius Tjin

View From The Sydney Tower

At the Sydney Tower

Standing at 305 metres tall, view from up there was truly amazing! At the peak of the tallest building in the city (and 2nd tallest in the entire Australia), I could view the surroundings in 360 degrees.

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Sydney Internet Marketer’s Meet Up

At Darling Harbour

This place is really beautiful and enchanting! No wonder it’s called Darling Harbour. 🙂 Aurelius had organized a local Internet Marketer’s meet up for the second time here, and I attended the informal session as a special guest. 😉 Sure, I came a long way!

The Group

I have to hand it to them that after meeting many other individuals in this field, the Australian Internet Entrepreneurs are truly in a league of their own. It was not only a humbling experience but reminds me gently that I still have a lot more to go in learning the ropes of doing business online!

Thanks and it was nice meeting you guys and gals!

Blue Mountains

Central Station

Was ready to head to the Blue Mountains with Aurelius, Frank Bauer and Colin Klinkert. I picked up the local papers (I usually collect at least one newspaper from each country I visit) and the first several pages were talking about none other than the bush fire going on in Victoria and several other parts of Australia.

At that time, the death toll reached 93 and thousands more were homeless after having their homes decimated by the bush fire and arsonists. Several other places were noted to be on alert including Blue Mountains itself! (Fortunately when we got there, it was cold and misty!)

Edmund

Frank 0wn3d

Aurelius, Frank & Colin

At The 3 Sisters, Blue Mountains

Going Down The Hill on a Bed

Climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge

Thanks to Derrick Siu (whom I just met at the meeting) he knew of an insider who could help get me a discount to climb the Harbour Bridge for just AUD140++ instead of AUD189 (or AUD216 on weekends). Pricey yes, but the 3.5 hour experience was truly breathtaking!

I have to admit, I am afraid of heights. And I was having second thoughts about climbing the bridge. The Sydney Harbour Bridge is the tallest steel arch bridge, measuring 134 metres (twice the height of the Opera House) and is the 4th longest bridge in the world. It had been there since 1932.

But our tour leader Mellisa is really great at what she does! It was assuring to know that she had climbed up and down the bridge 3,000 times and has 9 years of experience and the manner she handled the safety procedures were professional. 🙂

So we spent the first 30 minutes getting equipped and ran through basic training through a simulation and after that we spent the next 3 hours climbing up to the summit of bridge and back.

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The group that climbed the Harbour Bridge

Paddy’s

30 minutes drive from the heart of the city. This place is the equivalent of Malaysia’s “Pasar Pagi/Pasar Malam”. Things sold here are generally cheaper than if bought in the city and most of the merchants are Asians – like Chinese, Japanese, etc.

Paddy’s

Paddy’s

More Photos (that don’t fit anywhere else)

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Hope you’ve enjoyed reading and looking at the photos! 🙂

KL – Genting – JB – Desaru – Singapore – Malacca!

I have been going around Malaysia this month! In the southern part, that is. I’m considering this a warm up before I fly abroad for more travel and adventures this year, starting with my business/holiday trip to Sydney, Australia on dates 7th – 14th February. I still aspire to visit Shang Hai (China), Thailand, perhaps revisit Iran, and another country throughout this year, thus completing the my travel goal for 2009. 🙂

But first, here’s the line up of places I’ve been to this month…

Kuala Lumpur: Forex Class

With Mr. Aman a.k.a. Orange Roshan

Nothing special about going to PJ/KL since I do come here now and then anyway. But I couldn’t pass up this time’s trip because I was going to learn the basics of Forex (Foreign Exchange). So I attended a Forex class by Mr. Aman a.k.a. Orange Roshan. I’m far from being pro right now, and I’m still learning the ropes.

Genting Highlands – Revisited

Hey what do you know? I went back to Genting Highlands again! This time I went with Ladan. We visited the Indoor and Outdoor park in the same day, and of course tried out the daring rides which I had to pass up when I was with my mom a month ago. 🙂

Leaving for Genting Highlands from 1Utama At Chin Swee Temple At Chin Swee Temple Ladan at Ripley’s Believe it or Not! Exhibition Ladan outside The Pavillion Dinosaur Land - Outdoor Theme Park

Come to think of it, I’ve been to Genting Highlands every end of the year since 2006! I’d better be elsewhere at the end of this year!

Relatives Visiting Us in Johor Bahru!

At the beach, outside The Zon Edmund Loh The bunch of us

My relatives from Klang came over to our place in JB to spend the Chinese New Year holidays with us. Admittedly, I’m not close to them (and I was in for a surprise last year when I found out I actually have more relatives than I even know!) and the one who has been in constant touch with them is Mom. My relatives speak in Hokkien or Mandarin, whereas my sister and I are the only “bananas”. 🙂

So because I know very few relatives, I got only 2 ‘ang pows’ this year. LOL I’m so miserable with my social life… 😛 I think I’m getting too old for red packets too.

We also drove to Desaru, which is approximately 100km away from my home.

Uncle Goo Goo

That’s Uncle Goo Goo, one of my uncles from Klang. You know what’s really strange? I still don’t know his real name until now!

Ah Yong

Hui Yong, or affectionately known as Ah Yong, is our cousin and she’s turned 13 this year. She’s academically bright and scored 7As in the final UPSR exam back in Primary school. This is where reading a lot of books paid off. 🙂

Her younger brother, Yu Hui, is her contrast though. Hmm… I’d say he’s like me in one respect: he spends a lot of time playing games at the computer. 🙂

Aunty Ling Ling

Aunty Ling Ling, Uncle Goo Goo’s wife.

Uncle Hean Hean losing the kite…

Uncle Hean Hean is the closest relative to my family. He had been there to help us pull through the toughest of times, and there never was a time he had failed us. And even though he wasn’t financially secured then (he’s way much better off right now) he never allowed his limitations to stop him from helping us out.

My “corpse” floating ashore

That’s me, enjoying the water splashing through the shore. 🙂

Burying me…

Ah, they thought a corpse just floated ashore so they buried me!

Visiting Our Relatives in Singapore

Our trip to Singapore wasn’t planned initially but when we got news that Uncle Mike was just discharged from the hospital after having a heart attack, we decided to come over and visit him. The new immigration was more hectic and tedious than before because it’s a 15 minute maze inside the new complex, and the causeway traffic towards Singapore was bad.

(Oh btw, if you attempt to walk from Singapore to Johor Bahru via the causeway you can be fined up to RM200 or walk back and take a public transportation! That shows you the level of intelligence of the Malaysian government *ahem*)

So anyways, we reached Singapore and paid Uncle Mike a visit. I haven’t seen him in years, and my Singaporean cousins longer.

Uncle Mike

Uncle Mike had to rest for few weeks before he could go back to work. I was surprised to see Shaun and Amber at home though, knowing that they are usually out every time my Mom visits them albeit sparingly.

Shaun my cousin

I used to play with Shaun when we were younger. I haven’t seen him in many years since then and now… wow, he’s all grown up! I used to be taller than him but when I met up with him, he asked “Edmund, have you shrunk?” LOL Shaun is currently serving the army in National Service.

Amber

The way I remembered, the last time I saw Amber was when she was still a baby and kid. She’s going 15 in a month and I admit I was embarrassed to stand next to her. People can’t help but compare how tall she has grown… and how short I have been for such a long time. Hahahaha!! 😛 (yeah this height comparison goes on all the time sometimes I wonder what they eat, or what I’m not eating) 😛

One Day in Malacca

With all of my relatives except Uncle Hean Hean going back after the CNY, he stayed on for another less than a week. I had always talked about going to Malacca since 2007 – but never came around doing it in spite of the short distance… so no excuses this time, we paid Malacca a visit! 😀

Uncle Hean Hean and I with the Police Armored Car

Even though it was just after the CNY celebrations, most of the shops were still closed on a weekday. The coast was almost clear on our way to Malacca from JB… until we were in for a surprise: it was a traffic orgy in Malacca! *honk honk*

At Fort A’Famosa Entrance

We reached Malacca in less than 3 hours, and spent another 1.5 hours squeezing through the unexpected jam. Nonetheless, Malacca is a nice and clean state. 🙂 Small wonder that many of the girls from Malacca are pretty.

Mom Near the lake, Quayside Outside First Church Melaka

Edmund Loh

Okay that wraps up my adventures in the Southern part of Malaysia. 🙂 I still haven’t been to Sabah or Sarawak yet in my life (and no the flight transition in Sabah doesn’t count) – I’d better include in my ‘must go’ list of places too! 🙂