Thoughts

Since I’m taking a break from my latest Private Label Rights project, thought I’d blog for a while.

It’s been more than a month since Mega Red Packet was launched (and a great product launch, I must add). And it’s been three weeks since I’ve moved into my new place. Am growing more accustomed and used to it.

While I have stayed in places and traveled on my own many a times before, I had totally underestimated quite some things about staying alone in PJ this round. And of course, what’s that without making my own share of mistakes right?

Living alone in the apartment meant taking care of the every square feet all the time. Sure, I get a part-time maid to give my place a thorough cleaning once in a while. But there’s still loads more – car wash, watering the plants, vacuuming the floor frequently, list goes on.

Throw in the barrage of other important and urgent things to do, I’m now tight for time.

Maybe if I haven’t met Elle I’d probably be living in another small room with cheap stuff again, like I always did. And hey, maybe if I didn’t meet up with Khai Yong often I’d finish half of the things in my to-do list by now.

Admittedly, I am frustrated but I’m convinced this is just temporary. Gotta rub in those time management and outsourcing skills right about now. I am already planning my time management and outsourcing success to write about when all these are over. 🙂 Visualization, visualization, visualization! We shall see.

So what’s in the list of to-do that I can’t wait to get over with?

Short Term (this month)

1. Attending a Press Conference for a company I am investing in, that is going public. Thank goodness that’s tonight and another chance to wear that sleek suit again. 🙂

2. The Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar by T Harv Eker over the weekend. The hours are crazy long so best be devoting all of my focus and learning to the seminar!

3. My next 72 hour Private Label Rights sale with Elle on 15th June. It is also my sister’s 21st birthday. She should be happy. 🙂

4. Recruiting temporary staff to the technical team to handle Mega Red Packet support issues.

Medium to Long Term

1. To shop for a course and re-enroll into college.

2. To take a more serious interest in Forex trading.

And above all, to continue the burning fire and desire to succeed to greater heights! Can’t afford to stop here and celebrate my recent success for too long. Need to keep moving on or I’d just grow complacent. 🙂

Originally, I had planned to move to KL alone towards the end of this month. But looks like that plan has to be postponed to a later time i.e. early May.

I’ve been working around the clock to prepare the Mega Red Packet event and as I’ve been working on this for the past 6 months with my partners Vince Tan and Stephen Luc, we are only days away from the big day and I have to see to it that the online event becomes a success.

I look forward to making the event a smashing success and I am quite excited about this. It’s the first time I’m doing an online event this huge and at a product price point never this high before.

After this, I have plans to re-enroll into college and continue pursuit of my travel goals to visit at least 4 more countries this year. While I’ve already got my own car (with the Myvi being given to my mom), I need time to hunt for a new place to stay in KL and start over.

SIDENOTE: If you have been emailing me but received slow response from me lately, this is what’s been taking up my time now. 🙂 I apologize for that! Will get back to the rest of matters when I’m finally done with the Mega Red Packet launch.

(Edmund: This is the first time I’m talking about my relationship/personal matters… so read only if you want to… however I’m keeping a lot of other details out so please don’t post comments digging for more info – like who the girl is, what exactly happened, etc. I hope you respect my privacy. Thanks!)

Sorry for the long hiatus. And that happened for a reason.

It’s been a month since I last updated something substantial to my Personal Blog. (the YouTube video in the previous post doesn’t count, of course)

I was having second thoughts about writing this post. But then, I feel much better penning it out here knowing that mostly friends and people I know come to visit my Personal Homepage.

As I am writing this, this is probably the most trying time I am going through in a long time. After getting off the phone call just now, it’s going to be one scary, roller coaster ride of a life from here on.

Normally, I keep my relationship and personal matters a low profile even from this blog. Yet, I’m not comfortable posting anything else here if this goes unmentioned…

To put things into perspective – and long story short – I had been in a relationship with the first love of my life. That went on for more than half a year. Later we “broke up” but not under bad circumstances though; we accepted that we were both different but we mutually agreed to still be best friends.

So for many months, we enjoyed being together as best friends instead of being in a committed relationship. It was ideal. It was perfect!

All that changed gradually.

I have to confess that in spite of the “best friend” title, I still treated her more than a friend. I really did. Unfortunately – again the long story short – she cannot return reciprocal love – at least, not the one I expected. Naturally over time, I grew jealous and possessive. Yet it would be too selfish of me to ask her to comply.

It’s what you’d probably read about in books on romance or stories you hear from your heartbroken guy friends. “She wants me to be her good friend… but she keeps a one foot pole distance.” I didn’t want to listen though.

So this hurt me for days. Then it turned into weeks. And then months. It was eating me alive. It came to a point where I grew hardly productive at my business, slept longer hours and for some odd reason I’m becoming ill easily these days.

Finally it arrived to a point where being just friends is no longer possible between us.

Tonight, I did the hardest thing that I dreaded most. I know I cannot move on if I still hold onto the past, and the ‘illusion of hope’ that we can still be together on a mutually intimate level.

So I did what needed to be done right from the start: I ended all ties and connections with her.

Don’t get me wrong: I still love her a lot. We have had been on many adventures together, been to places together, did things together, shared our feelings we wouldn’t have told anyone else…

She is still the best girl I have ever met in my life.

The only regret is that I am not the right guy for her. And before anyone get any bad ideas about my first love (she’s too sweet for that)… actually, I was responsible for hurting her and making her upset in the first place (though unintentional) that the relationship didn’t work out as we both planned.

I have only myself to blame in the end, and the mess is mine to clean up. I was given the chance to be her boyfriend – when so many other guys are dying to just get to know this attractive girl – and I blew it away.

Anyways…

If I stay in this current position for too long or even forever, I will never grow. I will never move on. And she’s meant for bigger things in life to be burdened by my… well, childish demands. I’m embarrassed to say this but I can’t think of any better words to describe how I feel about myself now.

I don’t blame her one bit even after all that has happened.

It wasn’t easy even though I promised myself not to cry (which I did anyway, like 10 seconds into the conversation over the phone). Still, I needed to stick to my guns.

For my good and for hers.

I was VERY, VERY scared about putting the phone down because when I finally do, I know I won’t call her again.

I needed to flush my past momento’s, memories… anything that reminds me of her… out of my system. This also means I have to stop my addictive compulsion of visiting her web pages and FaceBook, or even trying to call or SMS her when she’s on the other side of the world.

Not easy but I need to let go of my past if I am to embrace the possibilities of the future. Otherwise I will be back to where I had started. Nothing would have changed. And I would continue getting hurt myself. And so will she in the process.

For the first time in my life – and really – I found out how useless money can get. No wonder people say “money is most useful where it’s needed, and most useless where it’s not.” I was ready to give up my financial goals and my wealth to get back to her.

But logically, that won’t happen. And I don’t think there’s anything else I can do to change her mind. At the same time, I cannot be content with being just “friends”. Not after everything we have had been through together.

I still wish her the best and that although she’s not looking for a boyfriend right now, I hope she finds a man much better myself eventually. It was great knowing her and now I know what it’s like to finally really LOVE someone and then LOSE it… then never love at all. Thank you for playing a big part of my life.

I have to pick up my pieces and move on. I’m sure I will meet the right girl for me one day but I need to sort my own mess out before that can happen.

I’ll probably get some flak for even thinking out aloud on this bold subject line (more on that in a while). Maybe some jealous folks out there are secretly wishing ill for me. In fact, a local celebrity blogger came by this blog a couple of months ago and called me a ‘wanna-be’.

But then, I’m not in business to please everyone.

As I am writing this, I am in the middle of registering for a US company and working towards centralizing my affiliate program and network of sites under the AMLOH banner. (FYI AMLOH is the initials for “Aik Mun LOH”, my Chinese name in reverse)

I need to get a fax machine too, on top of several other requirements to prepare myself for the next phase of expansion in business. Trying to grow my business on a local sole proprietorship is like trying to grow a tree in a small tupperware. I am going to maintain the Work from Home order and lifestyle in spite of peer pressure (which I’ll talk about that some other time).

So building a $10 Million Business From Home… Is It Even Remotely Possible? That’s about RM36.2 Million to Malaysians.

I want to find out and I’m making a run for it. 🙂

I’ve heard of 3 such people so far earning an 8 figure annual income working from their home office. 2 of them being Internet Entrepreneurs, and the other one a multi-talented entrepreneur.

I also realize that my vision paper that I’ve stuck to my wall needs a minor change – I should be adding another zero there, really.

Wait… let me add it now.

Okay, I’m done. 🙂

Now…

A former mentor of mine once told me that if I wanted to dream BIG, it must not be only something I really want, it must also be a little bit intimidating. When I was 16, the idea of making a million Ringgit took a long stretch of imagination. A couple of months ago, I wanted to take the stake to a million in US Dollars. But to be honest, I don’t feel the intimidation. With some hard work and a clever strategy, I know I would get there. And maybe because of the weakening Dollar, the goal seemed too achievable all of a sudden.

So I re-issued myself a more daring, more challenging, more intimidating goal….

Now on another level of brutal honesty (besides feeling very intimidated right now), I haven’t planned out my strategies to achieve this goal yet.

I know a few things for sure:

– Being a ‘PLR Extraordinaire’ isn’t going to be enough, NOT AT ALL.

– Making $10 Million needs a totally different strategy from one on making a $1 Million.

– I need to be a better business person.

– I need a new and more expanded network of business people.

– I need to explore other avenues of business besides Internet Marketing alone.

And I will find out:

– If I will ever make it…?

– If yes, how long will it take? 5 years? 10? 15? 20? … Or forever?

Whether I would give up my Work from Home lifestyle in this pursuit would be worthy of even my own speculation. I could see the need for engaging full-time staff, nonetheless. Many believe that it’s not possible to grow a $10 Million Dollar Business from home, though I’ve already seen at least 3 people proved otherwise.

I’d really like to see if I can be the 4th person in my own books or not. Or is working from home to build a $10 Million Dollar business like growing a tree on a tupperware too?

What do you think?